Pigeon baiting

This is a new sport which I have just developed using indigenous means. The eureka moment being the infiltration and subsequent entrapment of a pigeon in my princely abode. Pigeons are a big menace in the part of the world I inhabit, and it is almost a given that they are constantly wolfing at every window and corner all the time, a la ‘the bird’ by Hitchcock. While the balcony I have tearfully bid adieu to, the rest of my house behind doors and windows, I still regard as my territory. So when it so happens that one of them sneaks through the impossible gap between exhaust fan of kitchen, I make it a point to fight teeth and nail to drive him out(or her out, for the feminists). Now it may seem a ghastly scenario to envisage a war on own territory , with one sided collateral damages, and a much more agile enemy. But thanks to the myriads of self improvement programs my company gleefully paid for me to sleep through, and the numerous lemonade sermons, I have devised a game around it. The game , is simple. It starts the moment you spot a pigeon which has sneaked in your house. The idea is to open one of the windows and to shove the pigeon out, using a bat. So all you have to do is, chase the pigeon with the bat, preventing it from reaching inaccessible locations, and dispatch him out through the open window(hence forth, to be called ‘hole’). The bat is basically a plastic wiper, about as threatening as a rolled news paper, and if you ever have domesticated dogs, just as useful. My several years of vegan upbringing proscribed usage of any device which could produce a casualty within hundred years of incessant battering. It could as well have been called a club, but for the possibility of pasting endorsement stickers on it. The lay reader may be tempted to think that to drive a pigeon through a window is no game. The thing is, it is as much about putting the pigeon through window, as golf is about putting a ball in a hole. There is so much to it than what meets the eye. You can get the same machismo feel a cow boy gets while herding the cattle through desired gateways. You get the true strategic leadership experience, maneuvering the pigeons through the most desirable path, how to prevent the key assets from possible besmirching, or to prevent the enemy reaching the places of least access( a la atic, or ‘taand’ in hindi), or to prevent the enemy to fly over no fly zones, such as bed sheets. As an aside, you realize the importance of air force , even if all they can do is poop. I would recommend all the army men to play this wonderful strategy game , instead of the banal exercises they indulge in.(It will at least save tax payers money). Same applies to management people , who can learn to anticipate customer’s(pigeon) mind and align it with key business interests. The only hurdle the commercialization of my game is the Maneka lady, who regards the less brained creatures more worthy than her electorate. She however may change her mind after playing a ‘hole or two’ of this wonderful sport. Locking herself in her apartment with a dozen pigeons will help her appreciate the game better. If she is still adamant, I can rename the game as ‘pigeon entreating’.

Delhi Traffic

One of the joys of living in Delhi is the opportunity to drive in this sprawling metropolis, a rare experience, something which cannot be compared with any thing in India. Delhi is a great modern city , a medieval town and a contemporary village , all at the same time. The streets of the south delhi are as plush as it gets in India. Then we have the dariyaganj and shahdara, which if Bahadur Shah jafar appears today, would not be at much unease. And then you have places like harola in noida, Where the fresh country life can be literally smelled, courtesy the venerable cows and their redolent good work on streets. The surface to drive is also as diverse as it gets. From the plush ashok road to the trench infested noida roads, delhi has it all. Interestingly you are as likely to overrun a crest on road, as a trough. The NCR region lives up to its commitment to variety. But the real assets of a country are its people and not the physically tangible things. And it’s the inhabitants of the roads that make it exciting, and not the tarmac (or mud, more often than not). The traffic ecosystem here has several organismic equivalents. We have the flamboyant SUV’s and MUVs of the nouveau-riche, akin to sharks, zipping at the slightest pretext. We have several types of tuna and salmons in form of myriads of cars. Then we have two wheeler walahs like trouts. Last but not the least ,we have those DTC buses and trucks , steadily and regally plying like whales. Genial giants, with nothing to threaten save for size. However there is a caveat. The gentlest of creatures, behave bizarrely, when high on ‘mast’. However providence, with its utmost beatitude, has fittest warning mechanisms for the dimensionally challenged in all its artifacts. Much as the oceanic giants give shrill whistle like sounds when on mating call, The analogous apparatus , in the mechanical counterpart , is called pressure horn. The only difference being the driver being on a high, with a generous dose of hooch. So a sardine should better not be around when the big boys play. Of course if it cares to live. The street brawls are often as interesting . The people in this part of india, are at the extremity, when it comes to well natured conflict resolution. The ‘far end’ to be precise. I had one of the frightening experience, when I hit the rear of a car with my bike, at a red light. A man with a face, which seemed to be shaped by a hundred years of violence, and to which another hundred years of violence could do no (further) harm, growled at me like a wolf with its back arched and tail up. Luckily the light turned green, and the verbal salvo from people behind me, punctuated by generous smattering of references to female anatomy(another specialty), saved the day for me. The thumb rules of road side judgment are pretty clear. Rule no one, its always the larger vehicle , who is at fault. As a people, we Indians are so overcome with emotion, that the secondary things, such as the traffic rules just don’t matter. Rule no two, if one of the contestants, it a lady, she is right. Needless to say this rule, takes preponderance over the former. So, if you end up participating in a road side fight, take the right side, for in delhi, at least some one needs to be bashed up after a mishap, and being on the ‘crowd’s side’ is safe. More on this topic later.

Stuck !

It so happens that you have certain thought in your mind, and you come across a verse that kind of sums it up. It strikes in a resonant way .This is what happened with me today!

Khiza kya hai, fasle-gul kehte ho kisko,
wohi hum hai, kafas hai, aur matame-bal-o-par hai

What is fall , what is abundance of spring ! For a bird in cage ( limiting circumstances) , its same life, same cage and rueing for lack of hair and wings ( that is, ability to break free).

English Vinglish !

This film's title mistakenly makes the viewers feel that it is about english. It's not. It is about the self esteem of a women, who is stuck in rather uncelebrated job, doing relatively 'less highly ' thought of roles. English, was just a medium of bringing forth her hurt and subsequent defiance. It could as well have been say , computers. Above all , It was about Shridevi. The amazing , age defying shri, with eyes deeper than oceans. Umm.. a little nasty nose and teeth job, but every bit as beautiful as ever.

 So we had this unassuming homemaker, who is not good at english, and derided by her family rather callously for that . She accumulates this grief till the last straw , And given a break ,she takes on a journey to rid herself of her most riling deficiency, in process of ridding her family of what was their most riling one. And need I say it was done brilliantly ! A film with a modest story and such a puerile background as 'mind your language' could have sunk into mediocrity. But Gauri Shinde painted the film with such subtle and precise strokes that the viewer just wows. Nevermind rather shrill daughter, or a lame romance in the classroom. Or overly sweet sister or that lallu looking husband. The film just flows like Sri's lissome dance moves. I am glad i watched it with my mother. Its just the kind of film one should take one's mom to !

Tiger spotting !

      When you watch a Salman Khan film, you go to theater with different set of expectations. Lately, south style action repackaged in a bollywood box has been his forte. And for some reason .  salman's fan following and nature of affections that he gets borders on south style hero idolizing. Fans have got conditioned to 'like' him irrespective of anything. For instance, nothing can explain the success of 'ready'. 'Bhai' film has become a buzzword. And Even high brow production houses like YRF, could not ignore this phenomenon. And so we had this film, based on a ridiculously flimsy plot. I mean Roshan Seth as a scientist was like aloknath playing a terrorist. Fishes on trees only look fine in abstract painting. And we had these two spies trying to steal his data, but getting struck by cupid in between. And with a pathetic supporting cast consisting of largely unknown faces, we are told a labored tale of love .Too easy, too unidiementional. I mean for a film of 6o crores, you expect at least some twist and turns and double crossings.  You get none. The hero can indulge only in 'saccha pyar' the true love.  The comic quotient of the film is poor as well. The only place where the film scores is excellent locales and good action sequences. But then you dont  order burgers in an oriental restaurant. For that you have MacDonald. A bollywood masala film should deliver, well bollywood fare. Which was minimal in the film. Acting wise, salman khan plays himself in all his films. Call it acting or whatever you may. And ditto for kat. A beutiful mannequin. Dressed and placed hither tither. To her credit, she looked great and danced with aplomb.  Overall it was a not a 'bhai' film at all. Though its brisk and dosn't bore.  It was rather a typical modern day YRF film. Lot of gloss , color and investment. Little connect. Also it was a typical kabir khan film. Good locales , nice action. Nothing else.  Finally a song and dance sequence sums the film up. On a belly dancing tune rip, katreena does an intricate effort. Crowd barely takes note. Then Salman comes and does a hand wave and school boyish jig. And the house errupts.  Thats all he has to do in terms of quality and quantity to rake in 250 crores. Stardom and cults. Both live on fanaticism. Logic has place only in drabber milieus. 

Journey !

Reflecting about journey, friends ,goals. This couplet makes me think .

Manzil ke karib pahauch kar ehsaas hua ,
Saath saath chalne ka lutf kuch aur tha.

Though have been a believer of
Lajjat a sehra navardi ,doori-e-manjil mein hai

:)

Fati Patange

Watched kites . Would have liked to write a review, but it has left my mind in an incoherent state. Just as a ping pong spin serve, goes haywire on receiving unless given the right kind of counter spin , this spectacularly invented incoherent spin, is yet to be favorably returned by mankind. Most people, who are watching are either fan boys (rather girls) or those who had already made their mind to play ball thanks to the hype surrounding the film , or its their absolute deprivation of better things to do . No wonder they are having their balls go all over the place (figurative usage, for the naive, or those who's senses are numbed by something like , well kites). So, I would list some observations that come to my mind as sediments settle.

1) This film is magical. I remember as a young boy I used to see magic tricks in village fairs . There would be a magician, who would put lot of things like cards and flowers and pigeons in a magic hat. And still the hat remained empty. Vacuousness , despite having an assortment of contents, is still magic for me!

2) This film is high art.Its all Dadaism , and cubism with magic realism and existential agnst. To the lay eye that is. An expert eye can understand. Those things. Some things are pure surreal. Like how pushed to the wall, the hero suddenly pulls out a machinegun from his front pocket and shoots the entire goon clan. It was ethereal blend of Tarantino and Jim Carrey.

3) The starting lines give certain high funda's about kites flying in the sky and some gibberish that if two kites fly close by , then one has to get cut. Wonder what relevance all that had in the film. As if there was any relevance elsewhere ! Why was the film named Kites remains a mystery. may be there aren't many nouns in english which start with the letter K.

4) This film introduces 'saccha pyar' to the west. A disease more virulent than AIDS, and hitherto unknown to western world. AIDS would trouble only the afflicted person and his partner (we are not talking about broad minded people here ). A man is screwed when he gets this 'saccha' affliction. Everyone and his uncle, who is remotely close to such a person dies. So if you know someone with symptoms of this, please prefer some one with bird flue over him. Your chances will only improve.

5) In the starting scenes , our hero J chooses bboying and breakdance . In a couple dance competition! The female partner was reduced to mere prop , tossed all over the place! The same unfortunately is true about the film.

6) This film teaches us that the world , human beings etc are too vast to understand or predict. In so much , its a treatise on oriental philosophy. So all characters , turn more unpredictably than a noida cycle riksha. Only exception being the pure and unidimentional Tony . The message is that only evil is constant in the world. Rest all is ephemeral. Talking about time, this movie does deal with the illusory notion of time ! It moves back and forth, and back and forth, so much so that the viewers get an impression that time has stopped. You feel like you have spent ages, all in a matter of minutes. No wonder that in those particular frames the protagonist looks like a babaji.

7) The name 'Jamal' is perhaps the mascot for all crossover films or (botched) attempts thereof. Here too we have a poker faced Jamal who is in perpetual dilemma Johy Lever depicted in Dulhe Raja. Yar ye meri side hai ya uski !

8) In the final sequences, Kangna Ranaut shoots Jr Roshan. It was so natural acting ! She must have felt like shooting entire crew, for the royal neglect she got in the film. Every viewer in the theatre commiserated with the agony Hrithik had in those final frames. It was so their own !

9) The ending of this film was pretty much gangster like . Only difference, in gangster the two souls meet in sky. Here , they choose abyss. That alas, accentuated the difference between the two films. Atleast story/entertainment wise.

Final word. Despite criticism , the film might work. In fact work well. The huge release in india, will ensure that it would earn well just with openings. The west, will watch it with 'quaint' appeal. It perhaps is the first Indian film made for western audience and they may take note. It may also appeal to the hispanics, who dont know what to expect from a bollywood film. And it will serve as a good portfolio/dossier for Hrithik . Hollywood studios may ring him if they need a desi , arab or even hispanic in their side roles. To be fair to him, he tried hard, and looked great. Ekdum export class material.